tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3579823381242998338.post1527323183214983591..comments2009-12-27T19:12:21.759-08:00... Jasiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583974480069156969noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3579823381242998338.post-80470843282497098342009-12-27T17:25:44.079-08:002009-12-27T17:25:44.079-08:00I love this post. I have often stuggled with the whole friendship issue. I&#39;m a guys kind of girl. I have always had more male friends than females friends. When I read article and books about the whole female friendship thing I end up feeling horrible because I don&#39;t really have that strong female friend who has been with me through everything. I honestly don&#39;t have any &quot;real&quot; friends past my own husband. I think I&#39;m just too difficult of a personality for most.Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10423804386787998078noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3579823381242998338.post-84776746131360827382009-12-24T11:32:35.378-08:002009-12-24T11:32:35.378-08:00*sigh*<br />If you have at least one friend, more than just a casual acquaintance, who isn&#39;t family, who you see more than twice a year, you&#39;ve got it good. That&#39;s what I want, but never have had. But I wouldn&#39;t know what to do with them. Legend has it that if you&#39;re an outcast in high school, there are other outcasts you hang out with and ultimately fit in with. I never went to high school and even if I did, I wouldn&#39;t have fit in with the other outcasts--wouldn&#39;t have been &#39;freaky&#39; enough for them.<br />Yes, sometimes I do throw a pity party for myself. I don&#39;t want lots of friends, just a few that aren&#39;t related to me. But I don&#39;t even have that.Bright Circlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06411792426837068865noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3579823381242998338.post-24001953869488030342009-12-24T09:21:50.211-08:002009-12-24T09:21:50.211-08:00I have contemplated this one a bit -especially as a Mom. I remember feeling weird for a long time because I wasn&#39;t into the whole Playgroup/Mom group thing and I felt kind of isolated. But it kind of hit me that I do have a few good friends. Geography is an issue in many cases. (I wish teleporters would be invented) What is kind of nice is that my &quot;Mom&quot; friends and I don&#39;t have everything in common and it kind of helps in a way to view certain things from different perspectives.<br /><br />I admit I get kind of shy around a lot of people and keep them at a distance when it comes to the whole friendship thing. I spend my time thinking that everyone must think I am weird or something. Of course it doesn&#39;t help that I live somewhere where people have nannies and send their children to mandarin chinese lessons because their kid needs to have the cutting edge and I am a little more laid back. For a long time I hated going to the playground because it seemed populated by nothing but tall blonde women with giant coffee drinks and their iphones. Ignoring their children and talking schools. So yeah... I wanted to find my tribe of the slightly messy short brunette Moms who were kind of crunchy but sensible.<br /><br />Forgive me for rambling.Genevievehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02137817192028419051noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3579823381242998338.post-40412481754889072912009-12-23T17:23:46.061-08:002009-12-23T17:23:46.061-08:00I&#39;m so glad you talked about friendship in this post. It&#39;s been on my mind too. In my former town (your lovely PT) I had many friends of all different levels of intimacies. Here I have far, far fewer &quot;not-so-close&quot; friends. And I&#39;m really fine with that. <br /><br />However, sometimes I think I will suddenly find myself &quot;with my pants down&quot; (not literally), you know, realizing I&#39;ve *screwed up* in some way and I SHOULD have more friends than I do! And I&#39;ll only have my smug, hermity, whatever self to blame!<br /><br /><i>I want to work quickly and tirelessly to push my acquaintances from the level they&#39;re at up past the best friend forever level. I view every disagreement as a possible setback and wonder if I&#39;m ascending or descending on their graph, when in all likelihood, none of them have any kind of graph in their brain.</i><br /><br />I have actually known many, many young women who report this trait. I do not think you are alone in this. I have been friends with many women who do this and it&#39;s hard for me, because they are so quick to worry over small things as being large things and it causes them a lot of suffering and sometimes resentments and hurt that are needless. <br /><br />And you know... I think there are many older women who do this too - who seek a fast(er) intimacy and are easily threatened - into fight or flight - by a disagreement or vibe or difficulty, however minor. I think with older women though I am usually kind of intimidated by them and assume they have some &quot;wisdom&quot; that means their behaviors mean something more elevated and complex than the same behaviors in younger women. But the more I myself age the more this seems untrue.<br /><br />Keep in mind too: there is no &quot;set&quot; or perfect number of friends and types of relationships. Women who are private, hermitty, or shy often feel either implicitly or explicitly &quot;othered&quot; because they don&#39;t find everything a big social party, which is a damn shame, because we don&#39;t punish men who share those traits. At all.<br /><br />Have you read Rachel Simmons&#39; book <i>The Curse of the Good Girl</i>? Ostensibly about girls and girl relationships, but when I read it earlier this year it kind of BLEW MY MIND, in thinking about my friendships and the friendships girls / women seem to form, feel pressured to maintain, and continue despite difficulties. I&#39;d love to hear what (either of you) think about the book.Kelly Hogaboomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08183686721305419157noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3579823381242998338.post-51952432433600317842009-12-23T16:53:05.970-08:002009-12-23T16:53:05.970-08:00So yeah, we should shop and have a pity party. I feel much the same way about friends. I&#39;ve found that I make friends, but as soon as any conflict or disagreement arises, we just stop talking. It turns out that our connections are flimsy, our bond isn&#39;t strong enough to withstand even a minor disagreement. Without a workplace, school, or community to keep us in contact, we simply never talk again, even after the most minor of disagreements.<br /><br />I&#39;m torn on the issue of friends. I have in me a pretty lengthy spiel about the selfishness, independence and &quot;privacy&quot; (a.k.a. isolation) that permeates our culture and how all that inhibits meaningful connections between adults, and indeed, community in general. But every time I stand up to make my speech, I stop. I think it might just be me. I am contentious, difficult, sensitive, and sometimes needy. <br /><br />I don&#39;t know if my argument is valid, but I don&#39;t really have the self-confidence to make it anyway. <br /><br />Sigh. Let&#39;s go to Ikea.JJ Keithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03851060397493041024noreply@blogger.com