Mikey likes it!!

My son is very particular about food. It makes sense to me, as someone who is also a picky eater, that my offspring would exhibit similar qualities. I don't really place judgement on it or worry about it much, because frankly, life is short. He's not going to like everything I cook. Hell, I don't even like everything I cook. Some meals just don't pan out, especially when trying something new.

One of my goals for 2012 is to try out 25 new recipes, in an attempt to broaden our taste-buds and maybe add a few keepers to my repertoire. A couple of weeks ago I made a beef curry in the crock-pot, which was a surprise hit for EVERY member of our family (I even made it again this week to take to a potluck-style dinner at Seth's parents house). I was delighted, naturally.

Tonight I tried another completely-new-to-me recipe and shockingly enough, we all were quite fond of it! What? For serious? Yes.

Epic & Easy Minestrone

You will need the following ingredients:

• 1/2 onion, finely diced (I used red)
  
• 1 large carrot, peeled & cubed
• 2 stalks celery, washed & chopped
• 2 tbsp butter
• 4 cups water
• 2 vegetable bouillon cubes
  
• 1 can red kidney beans, rinsed & drained
• 1 can garbanzo beans, rinsed & drained
• 1 8oz can tomato sauce
  
• 15 oz can diced tomatoes
• 1 tbsp dried basil
• 1 tbsp dried oregano
  
• 1 whole bay leaf
• salt & pepper to taste
• 1/2 a head shredded cabbage (next time I may use the whole head)
  
• 2 cups penne pasta

In large pot, sauté onions, carrots, and celery in butter over medium heat for 10 minutes. Stir in water, bouillon, beans, tomato sauce, diced tomatoes, spices, and cabbage. Bring to boil, then reduce heat and simmer about 25 minutes. 10-15 minutes before serving, pour in pasta to cook. Once pasta is cooked, serve Minestrone with parmesan cheese and crusty bread.

All night long I'm dreaming about babies.

There have been three nights in the last week that I have either dreamt I was pregnant or had a newborn baby. As you can imagine, this has done my head in, as we have been trying to conceive for over a year. Granted, much of that time didn't really count, as my period had not yet returned since going off of the depo shot, but still. A year doesn't really sound like a super long time, especially when I think of friends who have had fertility problems. The kicker for me, is that in that span of time, it seems like everyone I know has gotten pregnant. They're all on the verge of popping out babies, or have them in their arms already and let me tell you... it's killing me, man. KILLING ME.

The dream I had last night was bizarre, in that much of it was underwater. I have an intense fear of submersion and am incapable of willingly going underwater, so for me to have a dream where I do exactly that and have it not be a nightmare is significant. I was swimming around with my dream baby and I felt safe and secure and I wasn't panicking. I didn't wake up with the feeling of dread that water-based dreams usually bring out in me. I guess this is a good thing...?

I finally got my period back this summer and the last few months have been the most reliable and regular cycles I've had in my entire life. One of my favorite things about depo was that it made my periods go away, which was a relief since I've always had long, heavy, painful, and unpredictable periods. The drawback of that is that it took 14 months from my final shot before I menstruated again. Thankfully, I am lucky enough to call Ms. Vagina Science a close and personal friend (seriously, everyone should read her essays and Q&A's about sexual and reproductive health), and she advised me to do a few things to get my menstruation back on track:

• Go outside in the natural light for at least 30 minutes a day.

That's just plain good advice, even if you're not trying to make yourself bleeeeeed. Sunshine and fresh air are good for you and it helps your body get in better tune with itself and nature and the universe and whatever. Wooo wooo stuff, y'know.

• Get regular exercise.

Once again, something that is good for your health in general. I don't enjoy "working out", but I do love putting on some good music and dancing, hopping on the elliptical for 10 or 15 minutes (it doesn't mess with my joints and I am 100% in control of how fast I go and can adjust the difficulty), or going for a walk (which kills two birds with one stone, since I'd be outside in the light).

• Get some Magnesium up in my hizzay.

According to several medical sources and such, "Magnesium deficiency is routine in the American diet and can increase the possibility of high blood pressure and seizures during pregnancy, a condition known as eclampsia. To prevent this deficiency, take 200 milligrams of magnesium in the glycinate form daily. Whole grains, green leafy and other vegetables and nuts are good sources of magnesium. Taking the proper amount of magnesium a day also helps to decrease the leg cramps and constipation often experienced during pregnancy. In addition, magnesium is critical for more than 300 other body functions and will generally help you to feel a lot healthier." Ok, can do. Though I do wonder why no one told me this 11 years ago when I was pregnant with Silas. I was pre-eclamptic and was put on strict bed rest for the final two months of my pregnancy and was put on a magnesium drip while in labor... why didn't anyone get me started on a supplement early in the pregnancy? I was young, poor, and uneducated and lacked the resources to find that info for myself and no doctor telling me this info was a major FAIL.

• Start taking a tincture of Dong Quai Root.

Here's a good article on why. Basically, it helps jump-start your entire reproductive system, which is rad. Make sure to stop taking it once your cycle is back to normal. Once you're ovulating again, it's done its job and you don't need to be taking it anymore.

I did all of these things and my period is more reliable than it has ever been in the past, so I consider it a success, though the real success will be getting knocked up. Maybe then I can stop dreaming about babies (or dream about them non-stop for 9 months).

Trust me, it's not easy or fun to point out problematic things.

I've found that almost every time I point out something appropriative, racist, fatphobic, sexist, homophobic, ableist, what-have-you, that I am told I am "taking things personally" or that I'm "looking for things to be offended by"... and that just floors me. As my friend Katie put it this morning, "Why on earth would people deliberately want to look for things to be offended by? By the time we've simply told the truth about what's really happening, who has energy to go searching for more?" Yup, my thoughts exactly.

Of course, the more I read about social justice and familiarize myself with the concept of micro-aggressions, the more I see them. Our perception of the world around us is influenced by our own experiences, as well as listening to the experiences of others. The more I read and research and listen, the less I am able to look past things and gloss them over. I pick my battles, as I don't have the spoons to spend on endless internet arguments. I'm not saying debates have no value; I've learned a lot from watching back and forth arguments about class and race and oppressive language and sexism on tumblr and facebook. It seems the people watching usually take more away from it than the people doing the talking anyway. But there are also times I can't stay quiet, when people I love and respect do and say problematic things. It's tricky, because most of the time, their intent is not to harm. I don't want it to sound like I'm accusing them of being terrible, horrible human beings.

This quote I posted on FB a few days ago sums up my feelings on intent:

"From a very young age we’re basically taught to think of racism and “anything bad” isms as something “very bad people [consciously] do.” We are always taught to identify with the good guys and wonder what the bad guys were thinking. We then have a lot of trouble actually identifying evil thoughts within ourselves, because we don’t see ourselves as being “evil people.”

But part of truly understanding the horror of many acts in history is understanding that the people who made them happen were not particularly evil- the people that followed weren’t particularly evil. That evil often happens in little steps, tiny jokes and references and cultural nuances until something snaps and the whole thing snowballs into chaos and upheaval. Evil as it occurs when groups of people are denied rights or killed or discriminated against or whatever isn’t necessarily the result of an evil thought, but rather the result of a lack of conscious thoughts fighting evil."

- http://feministdisney.tumblr.com

Many of these small displays of injustice are completely unintentional, but to not call them out would be intentional on my part. I know, I know. I'm just a bitter and over-sensitive boner-killer. How dare I not just laugh and move right along, right? Sometimes, I do move along (minus the laughing, because contrary to popular belief, I have a FAB sense of humor and that shit just isn't funny), mainly in conversations about race, because POC don't need another white voice hogging their space. When the conversation is about fatness (or sexism or mental illness), though, you'd better believe I'm going to be soap-boxing.

Back in September I saw this image floating around facebook.

It had been shared by someone I know.

My response to the image was this: "Fatness and it's environmental causes are NOT this simple and images like this only further enforce the fallacies that the general public already believes about fat people. There are fat people who walk, bike, ride the bus everywhere, etc. There are thin people who won't park their car to go into the store and will go through a drive-through instead. Fatness or lack thereof is no indicator of health or well-being. It just isn't that simple. This image thinks it's real clever, when all it's doing is the same as the playground bully who points at the fat kid and says, "You're lazy and greedy!!" The use of the fatty as a scapegoat for wealth, greed, and environmental unconsciousness needs to end." Predictably, I was told by several people (most of whom were thin and therefore acceptable to society) that I was wrong, that no one meant any harm by it, that I was seeing something that wasn't there, and that I was taking it all "too personally".

My advice to anyone who gets called out on problematic words or behavior by someone in a position of less privilege? Listen. Then listen some more. Don't defend, don't argue, don't dismiss.

LISTEN.